I had one of those slap-in-the-face, humbling realizations today that reminded me that I'm not nearly as perfect as I seem to think I am. I am far too judgemental of others. Despite the fact that I go around saying that you should live your life the way you want to, I judge others if they don't live the way I expect them to...I'm such a hypocrite. If I've ever done anything or said anything that made you feel inferior because I didn't approve, please disregard it and accept my sincere apology. I know for a fact that I've done this to more than one person. What is it that makes people think that they are so much better than others? Maybe it's the fact that I'm really a very insecure person so any personal triumph I manage to obtain I cling onto and refuse to let go. You know the phrase "blinded by your own ambition?" (at least I think that's a phrase...could be wrong).

I guess the only thing I can do now is to just learn from the experience and move on. But I can't pretend like it's not going to affect my life and relationships permanently.  Lol, this reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books Anne of Green Gables: "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." This will be my mantra.  I hope Karma wasn't paying too much attention to the last couple of weeks...

The no caffeine thing

So I don't have a problem with drinking caffeine the way some Mormons do.  To me caffeine is just like video games or any other thing that can be harmless but in excessive amounts becomes addicting and can control certain aspects of your life. All things in moderation.

I honestly can't remember the last time I made a resolution, much less kept one, so i'm really stubborn on this one and I'm going to make it count.  I started on January 4th and have not had a drop of caffeine since no matter how much I have craved diet dr. pepper or how tempting all the free diet coke and work can be.  I'll let you know how it's going. Right now the goal is a month but I'll probably expand it from there to two months and so on and so forth. Wish me luck!

My opinion on blogs

So it took me a really long time to actually start a blog because to me they always seemed so pretentious to me.  Why is it so many people in the world think that everyone is interested in their every thought? I mean, I'm not exactly the authority on what should interest people, but to to me, to assume that your every thought is a gem worthy of posting and having friends, strangers, and your neighbor's beautician's dog read seems to be just a little bit narcissistic. I mean, I certainly wouldn't want my personal journal published for the whole world to read at leisure (by the way, I think Anne Frank is on the other side yelling at her father for publishing her private thoughts and feelings).  Maybe that's why people write blogs...it lets them announce their thoughts and feelings under their own jurisdiction.  And there's the case in point: people don't write blogs because thei expecting their thoughts to become the next great American novel; they're writing them because they need to be said.  The End.

No Net Ensnares Me

So this is my very first blog post...which by the way, this will be the second time I write it because I'm pretty sure my computer made a deal with the devil and hates me because the internet crashed right as I was finished writing it the first time. Gah!! Just sayin...

So anyways, I thought I would give a little explanation to my blog's title.  "No Net Ensnares Me" is a quote from my all-time favorite book, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.  The full quote says, "I am no bird and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will." SO COOL, right?  To me what this means is that nobody should ever let anybody dictate their life for them.  We were all born with the ability to choose and think and feel and act freely for ourselves; what use is an incredible gift like that if we don't use it?  I know that I for one have spent far too much of my life doing what I thought others expected of me and not living for myself.  I'm not saying that it's okay to live selfishly, rather that to let your life be controlled by what you think others expect of you is not the way to live a happy life.